My heart hurts.
Alright.. it’s time to rant. I felt horrible all day about what happened last night & having exit exams in every class and catching up on work today definitely builds up the stress. I can’t begin to count the times that I almost cried today. I’ve made so many mistakes in the last 6ish months that I am not at all happy with. I know people say that teenagers will mess up & learn from their mistakes an all, but I feel like I’m in a whole and can’t do anything to get out. I pray daily about everything, wanting & seeking guidance from my amazing God, but I feel so confused still.. Like there’s nothing I can do. I’ve hurt some really important people in my life & I know it would take a lot to fix things completely. I’m willing to fix things, and am in the process of it, but.. I still feel like things will never be the same and that I might be looked at differently now from a lot of people.. I have to ask and think to myself, -Are you willing to wait for him? Can you handle this? Clearly you couldn’t handle this before. What makes you think you could handle this again? Him not being there. You & your doubts eating at your heart. What’s wrong with you? Are you happy with what you have done & how things turned out?- I feel so stupid. About a lot of things. I wish I had the answers, but I don’t. I just don’t know what to do from here. There are some decisions that need to be made, but if I go one way I will look like the bad guy for tugging at my best friends heart, when I really truly don’t at all mean too and have never meant to. If I decide on the other way, I will end up hurting someone that “loves me” apparently after 3 weeks.. which, just makes me want to cry because I do not at all love him. People tell me that I care to much for others & that I need to focus on myself & what will make me happy. I just can’t do that. I’m not happy if I know I’ve done something to hurt someone or make them upset. It kills me. I never usually poor my feelings out like this on my blog, but I needed to this time. If you read this, then thanks for your time.
I feel like this song couldn’t of been released at a better time.. Holy moly.
“Original Love” - Cassadee Pope.
our love is original
i feel miserable, it’s indescribable
when the smell of your shirt fades away
long distance, it’s a bitch when i’m making funny faces
but you’re not here to make them back at me
i wish you could hear me laugh uncontrollably
it’s our original love
cause no one gets me like you
i can’t get enough
cause i light up when i see you
original love
you’re the bees knees, sweetie
our own kind of love
ooh, i like the taste of your sweat
you rock the beat of my heart
your song stuck in my head
it’s our original love, oh
it’s our original love, oh oh oh
it’s our original
it’s our original love
cause no one gets me like you
i can’t get enough
cause i light up when i see you
original love
you’re the bees knees, sweetie
our own kind of love
our love is original
Love is such… A ridiculous word. I’ve been dating someone for three weeks & he told me he loved me tonight. When he said it, my heart sank and I felt sick. I don’t think I could love anyone even half as much as I love and have loved my ex. No one could replace our love. Even if it’s in the shadows at the moment, it’s always going to be there. Always. I told him I just couldn’t love him and that I was sorry.. That’s the difference between dating someone & being in a relationship. You figure out real quick what true love is.
